My best friend cut ties with me this year. She completely snipped me out of her life with the explanation, ‘I just cant be there for you anymore. Take care.’ It was the most devastating Facebook message I had ever received. The black hole that is now my heart is still remains a gaping space. What pains me most is the silence. Having no one to share those intimate and obscure moments with is detrimental to my confidence and my ability to let love in. Where else was I going to find a high-brow, Drizzy and Mondrian lover? I buried myself in a hobby that has ushered in pure bliss since I was a young girl terrified of killer sharks from New England circa 1970. A hobby that my friend and I had boasted our limited knowledge, snobbery and ultimate love for: watching bad-ass movies and TV shows. To fill the void, I delve into the dark side of this medium: female-driven movies. I was instantaneously absorbed by movies and television shows in which the central characters revolved around tumultuous female friendships. I was unknowingly using these outlets to reminisce and escape the hell I was living. When I found myself holding a stuffed lip-ringed koala sobbing uncontrollably as TV’s unlikely heroines, Anne Perkins and Leslie Knope shared their farewells on Parks and Recreation, I knew I had to at least try to get my shit together. The urgency to develop a strong female relationship was vital to me moving on. While I was busy stalking my BFF’s Facebook pictures of her and my other friends I missed out on the female relationships that already existed in my life. Relationships with my mom, my sister and the women that have been pining for another freak like me to watch a 1940’s film noir or the greatest movie ever made, Troll 2. CHICK FLICKED stages of grief as told through on screen female friendships:
1) A messy mélange of anger and sadness: Waiting To Exhale 1995
Two words: Angela Basset.
2. Hating yourself: Frances Ha / Lola Versus 2013/2012
Greta Gerwig has maintained a film career playing privileged self-loathing women who seems to always deliver the most honest lines in the most heart-warming way. Some favorites include: “I chose to live” “I fucking held your head while you cried! I bought special milk for you. Don’t treat me like a three-hour brunch friend!” “I’m slutty but I’m a good person.” She justified and shamed me during this grieving period.
3. Hating everyone : The Craft 1996
Anytime I storm Trader Joes wearing black lipstick and a plaid skirt I develop an apologetic self-reliant attitude essential for blowing off steam and not giving a damn about anyone. Thank you Neve Campbell.
4. Hating The Internet: Girls 2012 “Weirdos Need Girlfriends Too”
I don’t relate to Lena Dunham’s, Girls however the scene when Marnie is furiously trolling her ex-bf’s Facebook photos in season one is particularly gold. Every time I see pictures of my friend on Facebook doing friend things my response is similar to Allison Williams bleak character with each click….“Ew……gay…..what?”
5. Loneliness: Sans Toi Ni Loi – 1985
Never have I felt so envious of a character’s isolation than in this Agnès Varda-directed masterpiece.
6. Am I too weird?: Heavenly Creatures 1994
Yes, but am I a friend repeller because of it? The fantasy world that Peter Jackson curated between these real-life girlfriends is exclusive, toxic and makes me question the reality that my friend and I created for us.
7. Frustration and Confrontation: Walking and Talking 1996
Because complaining about a BFF seemed like a trivial thing to complain about, I kept this story for almost everyone I know. I bottled my feelings and when they came oozing out of my mouth, chaos ensued.
8. Missing the ability to get real with a friend and your guy friends just don’t cut it: Living Single 1995 “The Last Temptation”
I grew up watching this show with my mom and daydreaming of the days I will share my NYC apartment with my best girlfriends wearing multi-colored turtlenecks and over sized jackets. Most importantly I looked forward to having someone keep it real with you like Maxine and is not afraid to spray whip cream in your mouth when you need a pick me up.
9. Acknowledging the people in your life right now: Gilmore Girls 2003 “The Lorelais’ First Day At Yale”
The female support system that already existed in my life during this time deserve some credit for putting up with me all their unanswered phone calls and those times I acted like a pessimistic prick every day for a year.
10. Recalling all the times that movies and TV continue to save my life – Broad City 2013 – Present
This show changed the game for me and my fellow weirdos. I am forever grateful. Abbi and Illana For President.
“For women, the need and desire to nurture each other is not pathological but redemptive, and it is within that knowledge that our real power is rediscovered. It is this real connection which is so feared by a patriarchal world. Only within a patriarchal structure is maternity the only social power open to women.”
– Audre Lorde
Article by Danielle O’Neill
